"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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