Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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