hotel room ftw
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
