You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
