He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
