Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
