Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
