my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
