before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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