What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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