well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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