I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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