Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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