you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
