Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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