butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
