he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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