you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
