dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
