I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
