Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
