your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm both gender and math confused
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
