is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
