i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
