He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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