My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize