She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've blown a few things in my day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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