PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
