hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
