Someone shit on the floor
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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