Me too!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
