God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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