ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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