wanna go halves on a baby?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
