I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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