I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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