you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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