4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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