he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
