I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
