just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
