I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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