erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
