You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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