My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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