Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
