I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize