4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
