Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
