guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
