Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
