I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
