im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.