Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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