Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
