I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
why is half of my head shaved?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
