Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't put those talents on a resume
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
