I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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