she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
