I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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