How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
