I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
