sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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