i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
