Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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