Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
