Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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