Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
