The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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