So drunk its hurt
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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