omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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