And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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