so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
