Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
