We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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