the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
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i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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