We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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