This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
