I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
