I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
