my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize