In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
