Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
