trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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