ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
